The 11 Millionth Nice Guy Article On The Internet

I got a lot more feedback than I was expecting from my nice guy article. I even got several women to read it despite the tremendous amount of sexism (which I like to call “truth”) in it. Some of the women who read it even agreed with my arguments. But as expected, some did not. I soon realized that the hope I expressed at the end of the article was in vain. Even in the face of sound reasoning, some women refuse to even consider nice guys. So even though by this point I’m (what comes after beating and raping a dead horse? Eating a dead horse?) eating a dead horse, I have more to say on the subject.

Although several women conceded points in my article, they ended up shitting all over it as a whole by saying, “Well, assholes are just my type.” That statement is astounding to me. I don’t understand the idea of having a set “type,” especially if said type is douche bag.

As I went over the girls that I’ve been interested in, in my head, I realized that very few of them were similar to one another, physically or otherwise. I’ve been attracted to brunettes, blondes and even one redhead. I’ve been attracted to taller girls and shorter girls. I’ve been attracted to skinny girls and not so skinny girls (but not any wildebeests). I’ve been attracted to extremely outgoing girls, shy girls and girls that were a mix of the two. I’ve been attracted to girly girls and not so girly girls. I’ve been attracted to the girl next door and the high maintenance girl. I’ve been attracted to the artsy type and the bookworm. It’s not that I have no standards or I’m just interested in anything with a vagina; I’m just willing to try new things. I’m not going to automatically ignore or exclude a girl just because she’s not what I’m used to. Different combinations of these attributes leads to an unique experience each time, which is what I’m attracted to. Really, the only trait they’ve all had in common is a sense of humor, which is probably a necessity because no one is going to put up with my shit unless they have a sense of humor.

People are so diverse; I don’t understand why someone would limit himself or herself to a certain type. Personally, I’d like to have as many different experiences as possible. Having a type or “usual” is for a fast food restaurant, not people. When I go to McDonald’s I know I’m either getting a Big Mac or a Quarter Pounder because I have limited choices, that and I think my arteries are a little too clear.

A friend told me that assholes are her type because she knows what she’s getting with them but she doesn’t know what she’s getting with nice guys. Our friend (also a girl) agreed with that and said that most women know what they’re getting into when they get involved with an asshole. After hearing garbage like this, logic may as well be like a credit limit to women; it’s like it doesn’t fucking exist.

Just because you expect to be treated like shit doesn’t make it okay. Plus, that statement is bullshit to begin with. You do know what you’re getting with a nice guy: you’ll be treated decently. When I tried to explain this perfectly logical point to my friends they just dismissed and said, “But you’re more likely to get a creeper or weirdo.” That’s also bullshit, as I pointed out in my last article. If you have any sense of perception you’ll be able to discern that fact before you get involved with a goddamn creeper. But logic be damned, I guess.

Let me put it like this: Say I go to buy a car and the salesman (yeah that’s right, salesman not salesperson) says, “This car is actually a piece of shit. It’ll probably break down in a little while and it will cause you a lot of grief and trouble.” Now what do I do? I don’t buy that fucking car because I’m not a mouth-breathing ignoramus. In fact it’s the last thing I would do, which falls behind sticking my dick in a fire ant mound and watching soccer on TV. I would go and find a reliable car. My friend Mike put a different way. He said it’s like women would rather go to a casino, gamble and most assuredly lose than accept a check for a guaranteed sum of money. But that analogy really isn’t fair because I’m pretty sure women can’t do cool things (like gamble), and I’m also pretty sure there’s some sort of law against women handling their own finances.

It goes back to a point I mentioned in my last article. For some reason girls want the challenge or excitement of getting an asshole. One of the friends above, mentioned that her roommate doesn’t like dating nice guys because it’s too easy for her, which is just shithouse rat insane. Basically it comes down to: is the thrill of chase at the beginning worth the pain or mistreatment at the end? I don’t think so, but apparently lots of women disagree with me.

The disappointing part is that a lot of women keep dating jerks and keep making the same mistakes. It’s just incomprehensible to me. Once when I was kid my Dad was grilling out back, and he had the cover on the grill. I went to lean on it and my Dad said, “don’t do that it’s hot.” Well, I leaned on it any way because like most little kids I was a fucking retard. I ended up burning my hand and hurting my self pretty bad. You know what I didn’t do after that? TOUCH A BLAZING HOT GRILL. I learned my lesson. After that, I never once thought, “Hmmm, that was an unpleasant experience I better do that again.” But that’s exactly what women do. They keep making the same mistake and refuse to change their behavior. I think expecting different results but continuing the same behavior is a mark of more than one mental disorder.

I think there’s another explanation for this behavior, though. For some women, liking assholes or saying they like the challenge of getting an asshole is really just a way of saying they’re horny or they want a hot guy. But will a woman ever admit that? Fuck no. If they did their whole, “men are pigs” argument goes out the window. That and they don’t want to be perceived as a slut. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that women always want the moral higher ground. But they lose that advantage if they admit to being a little bit shallow.

On the other hand, it might be a good thing that women don’t admit to being as horny as we are. Really, in this society, one of the few things women control is sex. Men get paid more, hold higher positions and face less discrimination. It’s a patriarchal society. If women admitted they wanted sex just as much as us, society would fall the fuck apart. Everyone would just be screwing like wild baboons. It would be like Escape From New York or the Road Warrior, only with more boning.

Well I can’t write anymore about this subject at the moment or else I’m going to go into a blind rage and wake up in a holding cell. So I’m going to end this with lyrics from a song by the Descendents who made a career out of songs bitching about girls.

I’m The One:

I’m the one
I’ve been here for you all along
I’m the one
who’s shoulder you’ve been cryin on
nice guys finish last
no one knows as good as me
we’re just good friends
and you come to me for sympathy
you tell me that I’m not your type
still you call me late at night
every time he picks a fight
after all he’s said and all he’s done
I’m the one
I’ve been here for you all along
I’m the one
who’s shoulder you’ve been cryin on
he’s a total dick
that’s the truth and you know I’m right
from everything you say
there’s no way he’ll ever do you right
you love a man who treats you wrong
you think you’ll change him
but you’re wrong
he’ll use you he’ll say so long
after all he’s said and all he’s done
I’m the one
I’ve been here for you all along
I’m the one
who’s shoulder you’ve been cryin on
I’m the one who wants you more than anything
you don’t feel the same way you made it clear to me
but I’ll stand my ground and maybe
you’ll hear what I’ve been sayin
after all I’ve said and all I’ve done
I’m the one
I’ve been here for you all along
I’m the one
who’s shoulder you’ve been cryin on
I’m the one
I’ve been here for you all along
I’m the one
who’s shoulder you’ve been cryin on
I’m the one